Tara & Ryan's Princess Diaries

Childhood Trauma Theatre: Labyrinth

Tara & Ryan traverse this weird, wild world from the minds of Jim Henson, Monty Python's Terry Jones, David Bowie, David Bowie's crotch bulge, and producer Georg Lucas! It's fun! It's traumatizing! It's a piece of cake! It's Labyrinth! 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Hunchback of Notre Dame

CW: Outdated depictions of Roman people
Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and John fell in love with the man, Quasimodo, and felt seething hatred for the monster, Judge Frollo.  Pour the wine and cut the cheese! It's The Hunchback of Notre Dame!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Lady & the Tramp (2019)

Tara and Ryan (and their dog Lady) check out the 2019 version of the Disney classic that flew under the radar during the early days of Disney+.  But it's a good one so check it out! It's 2019's Lady and the Tramp!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Fairy Tale Mail 3

We know the last episode was a heavy one, so here's a bonus Fairy Tale Mail episode to get you back in a good mood!  Bigfoot Facts! Childhood Trauma! Madeline's Million Questions!  So much and more in this episode!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Pocahontas

CW: The exploitation of Indigenous peoples, genocide, & mention of sexual abuse.
Tara and Ryan dive into the fictionalized account of Pocahontas and the founding of Jamestown.  This is hard one to listen to, but we highly suggest giving it a try, especially if you are descended from North American colonizers.  It's time to learn what Disney got wrong here, because it's a lot.

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: The Mitchells vs.the Machines

We LOVED this 2021 Sony Pictures Animation film! It's quirky and hilarious and has a lot of heart. Hear what we had to think here before you check it out on Netflix. Let the Dark Harvest Begin!  It's The Mitchells vs. the Machines!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Toy Story

Once upon a time, Ryan, Tara, and Lianne hung out with Buzz, Woody, and the rest of the gang in Andy's room! They talked favorite toys, computer animation, and the one time Lianne almost set her backyard on fire. Howdy Howdy Howdy! It's Toy Story!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Childhood Trauma Theatre: Return to Oz

It's our inaugural episode of Childhood Trauma Theatre, and boy, have we got a doozy for you. Removable heads! Terrifying stop motion puppets! Electroshock therapy! This movie has it all.  Beware the Wheelers! It's Return to Oz!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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A Goofy Movie

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Chris embarked on a road trip with Max, Goofy, and a bunch of nuns.  They visited Lester's Possum Park, learned the perfect cast, and saw Powerline live in concert!  Get ready for a ton of Bigfoot facts! It's A Goofy Movie!

Black Nerd Problems: @BlkNrdProblems
Jordan Calhoun @JordanMCalhoun

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Fairy Tale Mail 2

We've got mail! Video games! Turner & Hootch! Disney cocktail pairings! This episode has it all, so check it out!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Lion King

Once upon a time, Ryan blew Tara & Matt's minds with some research he'd done on the Dark Web.  Then Matt turned around and ruined the movie with a conspiracy theory of his own.  Join them for the loopiest episode yet! Hakuna Matata! It's The Lion King!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Cruella

Celebrating our one time Ruler of the Villains Ranking, we take a look at Emma Stone as the London Fashionista and future puppy hating villain.  Find out what we thought about this incredibly stylized look at the queen of mean.  It's Cruella!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Nightmare Before Christmas

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Becki got SPOOOOOKY down in Halloweentown. They picked their favorite monsters and strangely talked about a glitter-farting Troll.  Happy Halloween! It's The Nightmare Before Christmas!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Aladdin (2019)

Tara and Ryan were delightfully surprised at how much they liked Guy Ritchie's take on the 1991 animated classic! Beautiful costumes and a lot of charm in this one! And Will Smith! It's Aladdin...again!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Aladdin

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan and Tommy traveled to Agrabah to discover a whole new world...and talk a surprising amount of football. This parrots got teeth! It's Aladdin!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Beauty and the Beast

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, & Shane traveled to 18th century France to visit Belle, the Beast, and assorted enchanted cutlery. But we all know you're here for one man.  A man covered in hair.  A man renowned for his egg eating abilities.  That's right, it's time for Gaston! It's Beauty and the Beast!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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ReRelease: The Jungle Book

Marjorie was the only person who offered to cohost Dinosaur, so the least you could do is listen to her episode again!  Do you think we rated Shere Khan too high?  Let us know!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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ReRelease: Melody Time

Bri, the uncontested Queen of the Package Films, will be back for Tarzan and Brave. But first, join us in this stroll down memory, or should I say Melody, lane!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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ReRelease: Alice in Wonderland

Remember Amanda? She's the music therapist who read the book before cohosting and she'll be back soon! If you don't remember her, maybe don't smoke so much hookah when you listen this time, you caterpillar!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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ReRelease: Fantasia

Get reacquainted with soon to be returning guest Chris and this delightful musical masterpiece!  Should the Hippo Ballerina be considered a Disney Princess?  We think so...

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Art by Carley McConnell
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A Very Special Announcement

We've got an announcement about a brief hiatus, future plans, and reminders on how to contact us
*cough* (707) 968-7731‬ *cough*

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: The Sorcerer's Apprentice

Tara and Ryan have a surprisingly good time with this weirdo Nic Cage movie from 2010.  I know it's April Fool's Day, but we honestly loved this movie.  Go check it out and then listen to this episode! It's The Sorcerer's Apprentice!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, Brandon, and Katie unearthed the treasure of Collie Baba along with their quadzillionaire, Scrooge McDuck! Not ponytails.  Not captain tales.  It's DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Rescuers Down Under

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Dani checked in on their friend Bianca and Bernard as they headed for an Outback adventure.  Get ready to meet the newest Disney Princess, Joanna the Goanna!  Tie me kangaroo down, mate! It's The Rescuers Down Under!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Raya and the Last Dragon

Tara and Ryan take a look at this newly released film that creates a fantasy world based on Southeast Asian Culture.  One spoiler: We liked it! Watch out for toot 'n booms! It's Raya and the Last Dragon!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Little Mermaid

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Jeremy gushed over this adaptation of the Hans Christian Andersen fairy tale that ushered in the Disney Renaissance.  We ask the big questions! Who is Vanessa? Is Eric a hunk? And is there anyone better than Ursula? Jumping Jellyfish! It's The Little Mermaid!

 

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Christopher Robin

Tara and Ryan check out this film about remembering what's truly important in life, and remembering to not get honey on your stuffed animals.  Heffalumps and Woozles! It's Christopher Robin!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Peanuts Movie

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan took a little detour on their Disney trip.  Because of the unfortunate closing earlier this month, we've decided to look at a film from Blue Sky Studios.  This charming version of Charles M. Schulz's delightful cartoon strip is a loving tribute to Snoopy, Linus, Pigpen, and our friend, Charlie Brown.  Good grief! It's The Peanuts Movie!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Mary Poppins Returns

Tara and Ryan check out Emily Blunt's wonderful performance and the great costumes of this sequel to the 1964 classic.  They also have some other things to say about it, too.  Trip the light fantastic! It's Mary Poppins Returns!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Oliver & Company

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan traveled to a very Disneyfied New York City of the late 80's and listened to Huey Lewis, Bette Midler, Ruth Pointer, and Billy Joel!  Why should I worry? It's Oliver & Company!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Cinderella (2015)

Tara and Ryan are just delighted by this wonderful adaptation from director Sir Kenneth Branagh. A beautiful story and an even more beautiful dress.  Bippity boppity boo! It's Cinderella!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Who Framed Roger Rabbit

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Ryan watched a story of greed, patty cake, and murder.  Also, Tara makes a pledge to one day cosplay as Jessica Rabbit, and I'm holding her to that.  Puh-puh-puh-please! It's Who Framed Roger Rabbit!

NOTE TO PARENTS: This movie is SHOCKINGLY not PG-13, but this podcast is! Put the little ones to sleep before listening to this one.

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Great Mouse Detective

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Amanda traveled to foggy London to meet the clever Basil of Baker Street, the fairly useless Dawson, and the World's Greatest Criminal Mind! The game is afoot! It's The Great Mouse Detective!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Black Cauldron

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and Klo adventured into the world of Prydain, and also the world of Dungeons & Dragons! Join us, adventurer, for the nerdiest episode of all time! It's The Black Cauldron!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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T R O N

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and their User friend James were beamed onto the Grid to throw frisbees at each other and try and take down the Master Control Program! Relive the wonderful 80's nostalgia with Tron! End of line

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Mickey's Christmas Carol

Tara and Ryan get into the holiday spirit and check out the story of Scrooge McDuck...I mean, Ebenezer Scrooge!  Bah Humbug! It's Mickey's Christmas Carol!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Secret of NIMH

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan took a quick detour off the Disney Highway to watch a Don Bluth classic picked by our Facebook group! A much darker tale of mice, rats, magic, science, and a goofy crow named Jeremy. It's The Secret of NIMH!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Fox and the Hound

Once upon a time, Ryan, Tara, and their friend Gretchen, meet a bunch of woodland critter, but more importantly Ms. Eleanor Tweed (YAY!) and Amos Slade (BOO!). Get ready for poor pet ownership and casual mysogyny.  It's The Fox and the Hound!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Fairy Tale Mail

Tara and Ryan reach into the mail bag to answer your questions, talk about your Disney conspiracy theories, and listen to a very special voice message from a big fan of the show.

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Art by Carley McConnell
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The Rescuers

Once upon a time, Tara, Ryan, and their friend Dani join the Rescue Aid Society and set off with a couple of mice to save a little girl from a surprisingly high-ranking villain! Strap into your albatross and get ready for take off! It's The Rescuers!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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MiniTale: Maleficent

Tara and Ryan join the Mistress of All Evil as we watch a different take on the Sleeping Beauty tale.  Angelina Jolie! Terrible fairies! A CROW-WOLF?!? It's Maleficent!

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Art by Carley McConnell
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Pete‘s Dragon

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan headed to Passamaquoddy to discuss alcoholism, child abuse, and are astonished that this movie was made the same year as Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Hoo boy... It's Pete's Dragon!

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MiniTale: The Jungle Book (1994)

Tara and Ryan venture into the deepest jungle of India to check out The Jungle Book! Queen Cersei is a sweetheart! The Dread Pirate Roberts is a major heel! None of the animals talk! Lucky Man! It's Disney's first live action remake,  1994's The Jungle Book!

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Tara & Ryan's Halloween Treat!

Gather round, Scary Tale Friends!  Join Scare-a and Dyin' Ryan as they boil their cauldrons and watch a selection of Disney Halloween Shorts!  Trick or Treat! It's HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEEN!!!!

The Skeleton Dance (1929)
Lonesome Ghosts (1937)
Donald Duck and the Gorilla (1944)
Runaway Brain (1995)
Ghoul Friend (2013)
Trick or Treat (1952)

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The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan traveled to the Hundred Acre Wood, ate some hunny, and watched out for Heffalumps and Woozles. SILLY OLD BEAR! It's The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh!

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Robin Hood

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan went to Sherwood forest, where they celebrated recycled animations, debated a tragedy of a Rotten Tomatoes score, and kept getting everyone's names wrong.  OO-DE-LALLY! It's Robin Hood!

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MiniTale: Dumbo (2019)

Tara and Ryan check out Tim Burton's take on the circus tale.  See Walt Disney as a bad guy! See Colin Farell's robot arm! See Alan Arkin buy Danny DeVito a hot dog during a raging inferno! It's 2019's Dumbo!

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The Aristocats

Once upon a time, Tara and Ryan traveled to Paris 1910, where Tara enjoyed a nice story about a family of cats and Ryan became enraged about casual classism.  Sacrebleu! It's The Aristocats!

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The Jungle Book

Once upon a time, Ryan, Tara, and their friend Marjorie journeyed into the deepest jungle, where they found a new favorite character and a surprisingly fierce villain! Join us as we look for the Bare Necessities! It's The Jungle Book!

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MiniTale: 101 Dalmatians (1996)

This week we're doing something a little new and different! Tara and Ryan check out the John Hughes penned remake that sees Dr. House and Mr. Weasley as bumbling crooks, Will McAvoy as a video game designer (groan), and the wonderful Glenn Close stealing the show as Cruella De Vil!  WOOF WOOF A HA HA!  It's 1996's 101 Dalmatians!

 

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